Torquemada

Alright, here's the deal. I'm on a few Friends' lists, which would be nice if I liked to post on LJ. But, I don't. So you guys don't get to hear from me.

Enter Michael.

He's used the power of his paid LiveJournal account to syndicate my regular blog. What that means is that you guys need to add etrevino_blog to your flist. Now, remember, if you guys comment on LJ, I won't be able to read it. If you click on the link underneath the title, it'll bring you to my page, where you can comment if you choose.

Amusing& Writing23 Feb 2005 06:39 pm

High School High

Moved to a new home. The URL is harder, but the layout is prettier.

http://www.auburn.edu/~treviep/blog

Enjoy, you goons!

1) Walking up to her with sweat on your upper lip, blurting out, “Ohmygodwillyoubemygirlfriend?”, running away and hiding under the bleachers does not endear yourself to her.

2) She does not dance.

3) She will never ever make the first move.

4) Jillian never loses interest. Rather, she forgets that she was interested. She needs to be constantly tended.

5) Ms. Sutera is not a subtle woman. If you’re trying to intimate something, forget it. Just go ahead and say what you’re thinking.

6) Jillian will not tell you what she’s thinking.

7) She is absolutely terrified of the phone. That, combined with rule #3 means that she must be completely drunk to strike up a conversation with you.

8) Jillian does not drink.

9) Ms. Sutera is easily bored. Not by you, but by her life away from the computer. Take the time to come up with new and interesting things to do with her.

10) Dating must occur in carefully designed stages. While you should not take the magic out of the event, be sure to make clear where you are in the relationship. After a few dates, then you may attempt rule #1. After that, you should make it clear where you next think the relationship will go.

11) In spite of rule #4, Jillian values her independence and expects you to value yours. Calling on the phone or otherwise IMing her is acceptable. Smothering her is not.

12) Do not expect her to make contact. After all, she doesn’t do phones.

13) She nitpicks about things because she’s afraid of committing.

14) She likes her pretty.

15) Hurt her and I break you.

I was going to make a post discussing how Jesus would choose to return to Earth in Texas. It's clearly the best of all states just as Rome was the best of all Empires.

Then I got to thinking, this is probably in really bad taste. I mean, I do believe in Jesus, and I truly don't believe that were He to return in my lifetime, He would choose a state or a country based on the same criteria I do (read: coolness). There's a lot of good that needs to be done in this world, and Texas is probably already good enough.

It would be cool, though, if He did return there. I mean, the irony just writes itself. He could return in Palestine, Texas. He could send his disciples to Rome, Texas.

You know, I even made a cool logo, with a cross superimposed over the state of Texas.

Sometimes you ruin all of my fun, faith!

Wherein we examine their chins, their noses, their boobs, and their ankles.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the glorious Simpson girls for a long time. Part of it is the fact that my wife and I have a fascination for Newlyweds. I sympathize with Nick Lachey, in large part because he lives the role of every man as he tries to navigate the myriad corners of his wife’s mind. Somehow, he appears happy, even as he gets less sex than he planned and far less than he could obtain on the open market. He truly is a married man.

Ashlee burst onto the scene through the gaping hole left by sister Jessica’s prompt breasts. Ashlee’s album is a study in anguish as she rebels against the obvious: her sister is better than her in so many ways. Jessica has larger breasts, a smaller nose, and thinner ankles than our girl Ashlee. To boot, Jessica has the advantage of a singing voice, a nice ass, and a real name. All that Ashlee can claim is a better chin. And by better chin, I mean one that looks slightly more like John Travolta’s jowl than Matt Damon’s ass.

And yet, Ashlee has an appeal all her own? What is it?

Could it be Ashlee’s ongoing revolt against her father, who still likes to talk about sister Jessica’s amazing floppy breasts?* Is it perhaps her almost punk singing style? Perhaps it’s the knowledge that while they may be smaller, Ashlee’s chest is surely perkier, and certainly nothing to sneeze at.

Her legs aren’t spectacular, but they have a curvy appeal. When one looks at Ashlee, one imagines a girl who rides motorcycles into bedrooms. While the essence of good legs are one part thigh, high calves, and thin ankles, Ashlee breaks the mold by presenting us with legs that are simply proportionate to the rest of the parts, and yet, are still damn sexy.**

Ashlee’s nose is probably her most obvious feature and in spite of her attempts to minimize it, one cannot escape her distinct avian visage. Without that nose, I think we would all be far more willing to discard Ashlee. Her nose makes her unique. All of her other features can be overlooked. With less than desirable legs, a bust that’s not all we wish it was, she can still be sexy. Take a look at Britney Spears, she’s short and thick, and we all still think she’s sexy. But Britney Spears is decidedly common, if sexy in a Louisiana bayou sort of way. Ashless Simpson is anything but common. And for that we have the nose to thank.

Ashlee Simpson, thy glory is thy nose.

__________
*No really, he does. He’s a freak, man.
**A friend of mine once pointed her brunette pal’s tiny little ankles. Little ankles bring legs together in ways one cannot imagine. Ever since then, the brunette has been a secret source of observation as I peer at her ankles and shake my head at those perfect legs.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
Ethan
Treviño
Mr. Man (two people independently named me that. One was my wife)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
EthanTrey
EthanTrv
Ethan42379

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
Intellect
Memory
Winning way with people who like me

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
Posture
Belly
Inability to shut up

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
Mexican
Scottish
German

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
Spiders
Zombies
Dusk

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
Dog
Toothbrush
Deoderant

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
Sweater
Jeans
Boxers

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists at the moment)):
Offspring
David Bowie
Outkast

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
"Picture Book" by The Kinks
The Theme from Shaft
Anything by the Smashing Pumpkins

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
Drawing a webcomic
Selling a story
Publish an article

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
I have it all. It's pretty good.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
I don't like Carson Daly.
I don't want to make movies ever again.
One of the women who called Mr. Man called me that for my . . . nevermind.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
Lips
Personality
. . . only three?

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
Finish a software project.
Build a professional website.
Buy a monkey.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
Drawing
Reading
Being a pain in the ass

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
Draw well
Have sex
Eat a cookie

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
I'm locked into Historian, I think.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
Japan
France
England

THREE KID'S NAMES:
Wade
Wyatt
Inez

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Be president
Publish a book
Send my children to a good school

THREE PEOPLE WHO NOW HAVE TO DO THIS. OR ELSE.
Monkey 1
Monkey 2
Monkey 3

Pictures of snowy winter Texas land! Check out the site in the post below.

It's snowing in Corpus Christi! That hasn't happened since, maybe, 1960. So, it's pretty amazing. Wow. I love it.

This one is for you, ConfectionRin. It's just great.

Correction: The last snowfall in Corpus Christi of any note was in 1926!

I have no idea why I wrote this, but I thought I might as well. It amuses me, after a fashion. I'm all chicken soupy.

Don't ever take it personally.
If people mean to get you where it hurts, you're only playing into their hands.

You can laugh at nearly everything. And you should.
Seriously, why take everything so damn seriously? In the end, you're probably not going to worry about it. If you can find the humor in it, whether the humor is ironic, sardonic, or whatever, you have the tools to move beyond it.

Don't get into fights.
It doesn't matter what they say or do, if you get in a fight, you always bear some blame. A fight is never healthy and never worth it.

Play to win, don't fight to win.
When you're living your life, you always want the best, whether for your family or for yourself. Make sure that you strive for that goal. However, playing to win does not imply that you hurt people along the way. If you hurt someone in the course of your life, you've made a mistake.

Apologize. Always.
If you get in a fight, it always takes the bigger man (or woman) to apologize first. It doesn't matter if you started it or not. Simply apologize for fighting. Apologize once, and move on.

If you keep fighting with someone, stop being around that person.
When fights keep on coming up with someone, that means that you and that person will probably never get along. Don't give yourself anguish by continuing to try.

Speak softly.
It doesn't matter if you can win a fight or not, so don't act you can. The act of fighting is always a losing proposition.

Never lay blame.
Ninety-percent of the time, you're going to say the other person is at fault. And they're going to say you're at fault. What's the point? People make mistakes. Accept any dispute as a fight you both are responsible for and move on.

Take responsibility.
If you messed up, you messed up. Don't try to hide it or fail to acknowledge it, just admit it and don't do it again.

If you keep doing something that makes you apologize, stop doing it.
The quick to anger are particularly at fault for this one. If you keep getting mad at different people and making them mad at you, you're doing something wrong.

Put yourself out there.
If someone is your friend, make an effort to be with that person. Place trust in that person's good intentions.

Box your weight.
Simply put, don't go for the things that are clearly out of reach. Not right away, anyway. Life is an incremental battle, and trying for the best immediately is a sure path to failure.

Stay clean
A well-groomed clean human is a human that people want to be around.

Respect yourself.
Don't look for sympathy. Never think of yourself as below anyone else. Always respect yourself and your own abilities.

Stop whining.
No one wants to hear it. If you never whine and something bad happens, people will be there for you. If you whine all the time and something really bad, no one will care.

Say what you mean and ask what other people mean.
There is an art to tact and circumspection. However, in the end, when you are confused about something, ask. This could be called Never Assume. Either way, be clear about your feelings and demand that others are too.

Believe in something.
Liberalism, Republicanism, Catholicism, whatever, tie your life to something by which you will live it. I'm not saying pray to God, though I think you should. I know that those of you who do will and those who don't won't. Live by a code. So long as the code is consistent, people will respect your views.

You can judge.
It's okay to have an opinion about people. It's okay to have an opinion about ideas. It's never okay to make someone feel bad about those opinions.

The way you live your life does not stop with you.
I like people who use their values as a way to understand the world. If they are in a position of power, I expect them to use the values that they apply to themselves to apply to their decisions. You should as well.

Don't meddle.
Never get into someone's life. You can advise or help, but you have no place to be making decisions for them. Ever.

Don't divide your friends.
If you and your girl break up, or you and your best friend are fighting, do not let that conflict spill out into your other friendships. You should never expect your friends to take your side. Never try your friends' loyalty by attempting to pit them against your enemies.

Be loyal
Always be supportive of your friends no matter what they go through. Loyalty should have its limits, though. Set them at emotional harm.

Be the better person.
Always take the high road. Don't fight. Compromise. Be willing to lose and keep your self respect as opposed to winning and losing your soul.

"The banquet was almost over, but Kenneth was getting worried: he was almost out of kittens."

If I had known, this would be my entry.

If only I had known!

I feel so bad for my puppy. She's a such a sweet dog. She really doesn't deserve this. We can't resist, though. She's cute, sure, but we just have to make her scrum-diddly-umptious by clothing her in doggie sweaters.

On another note, I'm watching Iron Chef. They're discussing French cuisine. In particular, "Japan's premier food photographer" is discussing French cuisine. What kind of country has a premier food photographer? What's wrong with you Japan? It kind of makes me wonder if anyone there actually makes anything. The nation seems full of toy makers and animators.

Maybe I should get out more.

It's hard for some people to believe, but I had never seen a shooting star before the Geminid meteor shower last night. I've always lived in cities too large to see much of anything except Orion. Oh, sure, we went out to the country a few times, and I would sit and watch satellites go by. However, before last night, I've never experienced a perfectly dark night. The shooting stars were amazing. It was quite exciting.

My puppy enjoyed it too.

I honestly and truly don't know what to say about this, but I've had a very similar idea for a movie.

In other news, congratulations you, you who know who you are. And take the multivitamins.

I returned some time ago. However, I have only now posted my vacation pictures. They're fun.

Enjoy!

I'll be out of town for the rest of the week. My in-laws are taking me on a cruise because they pity me. They might like me, too, but they wouldn't spend money on me if they just liked me.

Happy Thanksgiving, yo!

"No cities rose up in the 1960s and '70s with women rioting against their lot in life."

Ever say things that you worry could bite you in the butt? That's the opening line of my conclusion for an essay test. After I turned it in, I began to worry about the line. It is true, after all, there were no Bel-Air riots like the Watts riots. However, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't come off looking like I was trying to be "cute". I was, after a fashion, but it's probably a bad idea. Thankfully, the teacher didn't care.

Incidentally, there have been riots featuring only women, usually they occurred in war time.

By the late 1960s, the PLO had set up shop in Jordan, wreaking havoc in the kingdom. Arafat and his affiliates soon became innovators in a tactic later refined by al Qaeda: the civilian airliner as terror weapon. On February 21, 1970, the PFLP — by then also under the PLO arch — bombed SwissAir Flight 330 enroute to Tel Aviv, murdering 47 passengers and crew. Eight months later, on September 6, they attempted a spectacular atrocity: a quadruple hijack, which now appears an eerie harbinger of the tectonic bin Laden operation on another September day 31 years later.

As recalled in the riveting account of "Black September" by hostage David Raab, all the hijacked flights were bound from Europe to the United States. One, a Pan-Am 747, was taken to Cairo, where it was blown up on the tarmac just after the passengers were allowed to exit. A second, targeting an El-Al aircraft, was foiled in flight by Israeli sky marshals. But a TWA 707 and a SwissAir DC-8, with a combined 310 passengers and crew, were hijacked to a Jordanian dessert. The terrorists segregated Israeli, American, Swiss, and West German passengers for captivity — releasing the others — and threatened to kill the hostages and blow up the planes unless jailed militants were released. Under international pressure, King Hussein resolved to reassert control. War broke out on September 13. By the time it ended two weeks later, the hostages had been released, but over 2,000 people had been killed as Arafat and his terrorist band were driven out of the country.

Sounds a lot like al Qaeda, doesn't it? Don't let anyone tell you that Yasser Arafat was a good man, or that his life was productive in any positive way.

Read the rest of the article here.

Molly Maria Emmanuelle Jenkins Trevino

Glorious, it is.

Though, for what it's worth, I do hate the Gene Wilder version. And the book. And really, I don't expect to like this one either.

Poster's cool, though.